Beauty and art

Here is my latest piece of art I have produce ...
The subject, my youngest granddaughter in her little bear dressingown
It is a monochrome piece, watercolour - blue and white only
A great subject and a beautiful model... I enjoyed painting this one 😍

Roses, lollipops and smiles

The weather has been beautiful here in the UK, yet despite spring and its natural light, it's been a difficult day.
No real reason, just hard to cope with and sorrowful.
I guess acceptance of my limitations is still a little way away.

Today has been a day of heartbreaking blackness, despite the light.
It's a stormy cloud that consumes me and is not made easier by external noxious stimuli... If I could reach a high pitch... I would scream but I can't, so I won't and I don't. But inside, I am screaming an ear piercing scream, a scream of  dare I say it, depression?

Hard to admit sometimes that I am at a low level... A reactive downer due to all that has happened in the last year. How my life is so, so different to what it was a short 12 months ago.

The physical pain, ailments and poor mobility, the despair, the plethora of medication, all the appointments (I want to cancel them all... It's a circus!!).

Why do I need to tell my story to so many people? Can't they read my notes, don't they write and talk to each other? I get so angry.... 😡

Not a good day, sorry... But it has to be said, it's not all roses, lollipops and smiles 😞

Dreams

I wish I pursued my dreams and aspirations, and not the life others expected of me

I have been to many funerals over the many years of work... I believed this to be both, part of my work in giving my last respects to my patients and also supporting their families. 

In a few services, Frank Sinatras's "My Way" is played... In it, there is a segment that goes.... 

'Regrets, I've had a few

But then again, too few to mention

I did what I had to do

And saw it through without exemption' 

So, do you they have any regrets? 

I have just been reading an interesting piece of research carried out in Australia & according to the research, Most people do.

It appears our regrets gain a lot of weight as we approach the end of our lives. 

The researcher, Bronnie Wear, carried out her study on patients in a hospice. 

'Knowing you are going to die in a few weeks' is a very difficult emotion to contend with. Bronnie noticed as her patients experienced a range of emotions that usually started with denial, and then fear, anger, remorse, more denial, and eventually, acceptance.

They discussed regrets and 5 regrets stood out.

I think this is a powerful piece that will enable us to reflect and I wish I didn't work so hard features strongly with all the male patients and some of the females.

Work can take over people's lives and we must learn to afford the luxury of spending more time with friends and especial our loved ones.

If I asked you to make a list of family functions and important milestones you have missed, there would be a fair few?

Most respondants said they would simplify their lifestyle and make better choices, they may not have needed all that money they were chasing.

Brain on Fire - World Encephalitis Day

It's world Encephalitis Day and I have just watched the movie 'Brain on Fire' .
It's on Netflix and it certainly pulls on the heartstrings.
Although we all have our own distinct story, there are many commonalities.
A year ago, if I knew what awaited me, I'd have recommended and maybe advised this should be watched by medics and all healthcare professionals to consider AiEncephalitis a posible diagnosis and arrive at more focused investigations and treatment pathways.
Who knows, I may have been better, quicker?

Watch it though...

Jessie Square Eyes

If you are into film and TV, look no further. The following will take you to my cousins Blog
It's very slick and funny, informative and punchy so please have a look.

Jess started this blog as part of her Masters Degree so support and comments would be great. 

It also happens to be Jessie's birthday today too so... Happy birthday cous xxx

Family visits

My cousin Jessie and her youngest daughter, Jenna, came to visit today. It was great to catch up over a few hours of chat, laughs and memories.

It's Jessie's birthday tomorrow and I cannot believe it's been 'that many years' since I held her in my arms as a young lad myself... She was only a couple of days old and just been sent home from the maternity unit in Gibraltar.

All these decades later, we remain tight and closer than ever in our exile in the East of England... Self exile BTW.

She is the mother to two wonderful young ladies, Anya and Jenna.
It's hard to accept the 'little ones' are in their teens now. They were my 'testing crowd' for my material. Little jokes, stories and magic tricks I'd put them through (sorry girls).
Julie and I honed our grandparenting skills on them. Although not officially our grandkids, we treated them like they were. Taking them to places, testing our pram skills and enjoying every minute with them.

They are too old to stay at our house now, like they used to.. It's not hip. We used to lie in bed and make up stories, adding bits to the story line as we went along until the story was no longer what it set out as... Like a story line chinese whispers.
However, should they need to, they are always welcome.

They are great kids and have wonderful parents in Jessie and Tony and we are always there for each other...
We may not have lots of money, fast cars, flash jewellery etc but we have pride, love and family... Xxx

Roots- Neanderthal Man

The book I orders has arrived on its release date. Excellent...

I look forward to to reading up on the findings of Clive, Geraldine and Stuart Finlayson.
I have known them all my life and Geraldines family live in the same block of flats as my family. In fact, her brother, John, was a school mate of mine so supporting the local authors, history and roots is important. The passion to learn about our forefathers is also extremely useful.

Having been born in Gibraltar, the Neanderthal story is something I have always had an interest in. Curiosity over who we are, why we are who we are and how we got here are questions we all ask... However, originating from a place where the first Neanderthal remains were found, and nothing done, it increased my interest.
Had action taken place when the bones were found, Neanderthals would be called Gibraltar man.
In many ways, I'm thankful the name was not adopted, otherwise it may have incurred a ribbing from those less fortunate 😜

This statement in itself is a corruption because this book explains how Neanderthals were thinking cave dwellers, they hunted and catalogued their lives in paintings and certainly learnt from nature. Not just 'cavemen' .

I look forward to reading and learning more.
I've tweeted Clive to make sure my copy gets autographed next time I'm in Gib.

KFC What,????

I am not a frequented of this choice restaurant  if like to consider my palette is a little more refined so why in heavens name can't I ever get a takeaway from there that provides me with what I ordered and more importantly, paid for?
We had two of our grandkids with us today and after running ourselves ragged, we opted for this cuisine because it would be appealing and quick... Also, less effort!
Wrong!
We ordered a boneless banquet with a bunch of sauces provided and it contained chips etc, we also thought that getting coleslaw and corn on the cob would add a little acceptance 
So when we got home, we had: something nearly like what we ordered... Except no tray of sauces and no coleslaw.. What we had was a bowl of 'brown'... Well, we can't call it gravy or anything else.
If I was elsewhere, I'd have thought they had given us some mud from a swamp.. But we have no swamps here. So is this coleslaw???

So, considering there aren't that many items on the menu, why and how can they get it so wrong, so often?
Anyhow, I called the manager and let rip a little...
Why?
Well because they have never got a sodding order right from the KFC in Edinburgh Road, Harlow.
He was kind to offer a full replacement of our order if I took the takeoutvwe had down to them and asked for him..
Great stra but I am not driving at the moment due to the seizures in my acute phase.. And I would certainly not be able to cycle there and back, added to which, it was cold and the kids were hungry.
I complained and registered my dissatisfaction and now, making it more of a recorded issue

Life is not all bad at times ...

A gorgeous, sunny valentines day in England, my temperature gauge said 11c. Quite remarkable, considering it was freezing cold and snowy a little while ago.

Rosie has been out in the garden laying down as I collected up dog poop (well I can't say shit as I don't know who is reading this...).

Brilliant isn't it... Rosie, Smudge and Jim have been capping away in the back garden and I have to pick it all up!
I should have joined them, pooping in the garden, then I'd feel less peeved!
It's a good thing I can't bent too well because it all looked revolting. However, it would be a wired world if dog poo was 'nice'...

Despite the plethora of crap, the atmosphere is quite relaxing and spring-like as the sun shines down and nature blossoms.
There are loads of beautiful birds  singing away, celebrating the abundance of sun. So, are we over that weather hump now?
I fear not.
I've know it to snow much later than this... Well even last year, when I woke up from my coma in late March, I could see snow out of the ward windows through my blurry eyes.

However, it's Valentines day and I wrote Julie a card and she did one for me.. Yes, after 35 years of marriage, our love is solid and strong. Its endured many troublesome times, and no doubt there will be a few more but do you know what? We are there for each other and as the years add up, I am so pleased we are growing old together and have a great family that has blossomed from our branch of the family tree.
We have not only joined families together but also cultures. We've loved together, fought together and laughed together. We have forged our strong unit and produced two more generations thus far... So pretty good work wouldn't you agree?

So I agree, this is an over commercialised day, so no flowers bought!
It is a chance though to stop, take stock and see how lucky and beautiful life can be...

Anyway, her card: was wonderfully written as always, full of sentiment, it brought tears of joy to my eyes and an ache in my heart... I am blessed!

So with this in mind I will take this opportunity, seeing as it's my blog anyway, to say 'Happy Valentines Day Julie' and I wish everyone will have the chance of long lasting love and happiness... X

Advertising on the blog...

I had an email from Google today asking about my account being inactive and having had no advertising on it for the last 5 months...
I have been recovering from Encephalitis and I am still in the process of getting back to myself.
I have ignored my blog for a while but getting back to it...
I have advertised my books a few times haven't I?
No?
Okay let me send you to my author page on Amazon... So you can check out for some valentines day specials...

Now with regards to advertising: Okay, here my response, as I sip into my aromatic cup of Nescafe Alta Rica which is a great alternative instant coffee when I haven't got the energy to grind my coffee beans. Otherwise I would grind Aldi coffee beans. They have been shown to be deliciously better than posh brands and in our household, we agree.!
I am sipping coffee, contemplating lunch.
Do we go and have a cheeky Nando's or cook at home?
I think cooking at home will be the vote even though we get an NHS discount at Nando's.. 😜

Well today, I am looking at cooking something different with some fresh chicken beasts... Anyone have a recipe for me?
I'd appreciate it.

I'm looking at cooking Italian, spaghetti with tomato salsa and cheese, garlic, onions and a little red wine to bring the flavours out. I have a bottle of Faustino to open and although a little wasteful of such ezcuisit Spanish wine, it is a beautiful end product.

Anyway, this is for dinner, in the meantime, lunch... A few walnuts and a piece of bread from my favourite master bakers..  Dorrington... Yummy.

Now let's not forget Valentines day, so for your loved one, a card from Moonpig never fails!

Anyway, for now have a good day and link up soon.

A perfect weekend so far

What makes a perfect weekend?
It's waking up to and with, a smile. That lust for life and joy at being alive and sharing the moments.
We have seen all our sons (3), all our daughters-in-law (3) and our four grandchildren
Their laughter, smiles and quick learning is amazing and we are blessed to have such a wonderful immediate family as well as our extended family
Together, they make a dynamic team and we love them to bits... Family is precious, we need to learn to love and enjoy them for what  we are together. Amazing  ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you

Tuning up

The passion for music is something that never leaves me, no matter what... Listening to the melodies, the words, guitar rifs and drum beats all mixed in, I love it.
Drums are my passion...
I was brought up in Gibraltar and home was a modest flat so not much room for a set of drums so... I eventually got a guitar.
Why guitar, I liked it too and it was easy to play, no extra storage and a good sound would be emitted  who knows, I could be the next Michael Schenker, Richie Blackmore or Clapton!!!
I have been playing guitar since I was 16, buying my first guitar with my first wages as a student nurse.
I bought a black guitar, no amp with it and no case, just a large cardboard box. A shiny new axe!
The music store did provide me with a strap and a few picks so a good start. Would you believe I cannot remember the make!

I got it home and tuned it up and... It was dreadful  I was dreadful
The sound was far from sweet, I had a lot to learn.
The next thing on my list was the amplifier. It was massive and a great sound, a Marshall amp. I'd sit on it in the living room and ay LOUD.. 🎵
Next was an effect pedal, a Wah-Fuzz... Awsome.
I also had a Red Base guitar and quite liked playing that... Easier!

I played my guitar every day for a couple of years and then I left home, Gibraltar, leaving it behind.
Over the years, we purchased a couple of second hand acoustic guitars and I'd play 'smoke on the wayer' and other 'easy' tunes for my boys when they were little.
Keiron plays guitar and he is awsome... I now rely on his little tips to help me out and take his seconds
Paul used to play keyboard although he's not played for a fair few years. Sean bought himself a drum kit in his teens and was nevour too devoted to it.. In fact, I played them more, after all , always dreamt of it.

I have picked up a few tricks over the years but never had any formal training. Time has also been pretty scarce when you have parenting duties, work etc.
Hence one of the great things about  retirement.
I love my acoustic and I play that one the most, then I have one of Keirons old guitars, a nice 'Fender Strat style'... I love it. There's a cool effect pedal and a small practice amp, can't sit on that one.. Not with my back 😜

Time is finally available for me to tune up and bang out some tunes, Supertramp, Pink Floyd, America, the Stones, MSG, Scorpions... The oldies!

Who knows, maybe the next career as a musician?
I doubt it!!!
However, I am enjoying the tunes

Words of wisdom or a new way to live by?

The Window Cleaners

The Scenario... Mid-morning, Julie has gone to work and I've had breakfast, in bed (Thanks Julie xxx) so I'm gonna have a shower, shave, get dressed and walk the dog.
I've had my meds so they will be kicking in and therefore I'll be able to walk a little at a steady pace.
I'm preparing to shave and shower, therefore--starkers when the dreaded "ding-dong" of the doorbell is sounding in the background.
Who could it be?
Is it the postman with a parcel too big to get through our letterbox?
Is it a friend, relative, jehovas witness?
The only way to find out is to open the door... Wrong, none of the above !
I could have looked out the window in the study, or from the kitchen downstairs however, my encephalitis head opts to put my pyjamas back on, dressing gown and then walk down the stairs, opening the door to two window cleaners.

They look at me, as if to say- 'lazy bastard is still in bed' and I look at them with my head saying a loud WHAT NOW... instead all I said was' alright? '

'We are here to clean the windows' 'Okay...'
Judging by their blazers with their window cleaning company logo on it, I guess they are telling me the truth. I remember now, we've only had these two a month so don't want to piss them off yet!

The older guy says, 'I can't remember if it's £20.00 or what..' what a chance.
I am now in a state of high alert, even in my dressing gown.
I reply 'Now, I know I have had a brain injury but I do remember it is not £20.00'
Tbe other one intervenes and says 'Nah mate, you are right it's less...I think it's £15.00'.
I don't believe anyone now.
I then remembered, I have no money in my wallet, how am I going to pay them?
So now Encephalitis brain kicks in..
I said 'I'll phone Julie and find out and I will go to the whole in the wall and take some money out.
Got dressed quickly with my pj's under a "temporary set of clothes"...' What is a temporary set of clothes? ' I hear you ask.
Well they certainly aren't ones that will change into something wondrous or supernatural, they won't disappear or lose their integrity in the 15 minutes it would take me to get to the fscility.
They are.. The clothes I wore yesterday, the outer clothes only. No undies... They cannot be worn two days in a row (if anyone disagrees with this statement, my advice: keep it to yourself and don't share it, the habit, not the undies, but them too..!).

RosieG, in her coat, was ready for walkies too so I took her along.

I called Julie, at work just confirm the price agreed and it's £15.00..
Julie asked 'Are you alright?' to which I started to reassure her I was okay when Rosie decided to tske a dump on the field adjacent to the path!
Have you ever seen a greyhound having its bowels opened?
It is extremely obvious and graphic!!!
I let her finish her business as I'd tucked my phone in my coat and grabbed a poo-bag to pick the doo-doos up...
Picking up shit is not easy whilst you hold the dogs lead and walking stick, bend from the legs, because of the fractures in my thoraco-lumber spine and approach the steaming, smelly mound with a thin plastic bag that thankfully you kicked your fingers, in order to open the damned bag in the first place, now in a 'crane like' stance, about to collect the offending stool... Nice, wsrm, formed and a good colour (Type 3 on the Bristol stool chart, once a nurse, always a nurse...)
Poo and intact bag deposited in the poo bin near us, I hobbled home, in pain but achieving my goal.

Anyway, I did it, I got back before they had finished..
'Thanks mate' was the reply from the old one who grabbed the & 15.00 off me (not £20.00 haha!)

When Julie got home, we discussed this, she said "you look shattered'
'I am'
She then said, 'next time, just tell them to come back latet and collect the money...'

Easy when you have a good head!!!
I will get there...

Balance, karma maybe?

Sunday is a day to recover and recharge your batteries and Monday is hectic for those in employment ... So retirees should get some rest? Not in this household!

We are up early, no lay in , up with the lark, and looking after 2 of our gang. Daisy is with us all day and Heath comes just after 12,for lunch and joins his sister in some lunch, games and.... Sweeties with the grandparents!

Today, we had a visit from a friend and work colleague, Jane.
She arrived laden with sweets, flowers and a big hug for us all.
We hadn't seen each other since February last year so there was a lot of catching up to do.
Julie and I enjoyed the visit, it was great to have a couple of hours of socialising, catching up with gossip, laughing and showing off the grandkids, with plenty of tea and coffee flowing.

Jane had to go and collect her daughters and as they live in a neighbouring town, left early enough to avoid the traffic.

The summary of this is that although I have retired, I keep in touch with all my friends. Its an aspect of work I miss but I enjoy catching up with colleagues whilst still carrying out grandparents duties.
Life balance?

By 7pm... We are asleep on the sofa, energy zapped out by our little munchkins

Master of Comedy

Omid Djalili Brentwood

It's been a long day, but boy has it been a great day.
I went on a brisk, chilly walk along the river this morning with Tony, my brother in law. We chatted, photographed nature and then retired to the pub... For coffee.
The frozen river was 'cool'...
For those of you who know me, you will know I love a good laugh.
I am a big comedy fan, laughter is the best medicine... Well, within reason.
One of my comedy heroes is Omid Djalili. I have seen him on stage twice and we both follow each other on twitter.
Well he was performing in Brentwood today, not far from us so... After a little twitter chat, Omid arranged for Julie and I to go and see him in action.
Boothby Graffoe was the 'warm up act' and he was excellent, funny, musical and his tale of the cocaine fueled dog is a must.
Then the boss was on, Omid was as good as we all expect and more. His wit, intelligence and warmth was projected to an otherwise cold Brentwood centre. Cold in temperature and abcent of warmth and comfort in itself, so it was not the best of venues for comedy.
The odd belly dance was a hit as well as the 'Brentwood /Brentford' confused states.
As arranged, we met Omid after the show.
We have met before a few years ago in Harlow but we had a little more time to exchange a few more words.
For such a hard working and popular actor, comedian, thespian, singer etc.. He is very down to earth and likeable.
I like the man even more now, his observations and politics, sense of humour and caring are getting better with age and from me, Omid gets a 10:10.
Its a job and a half to woo a crowd on a cold winters night and he did it and won... Great job sir.
As in a the start of an international football match, we exchanged gifts.. A couple of my books, autographed for Omid and a photo opportunity for us.
Thanks for the show and chat. Its been hard for me over the last year, facing my own mortality, the pain, the changes in my life... having to retire, I could but won't go on.
Thanks for giving Julie and I a great escape for a few hours... RESPECT!

Crashed out... In pain

It's been a busy few days and the unclement weather has kept the forays to the outside world to a minimum...
It's harder to walk in the cold... A bold statement but true!
Pain in the back whilst walking makes me hunch a way and the add the cold, it's a bit different.

Talking of pain, I am trying to lay off the codeine and paracetamol based products.
No, my bowels are fine thank you very much 💩
I'm a little hacked off because my Liver Function Tests (LFT's) are higher... And I am a very occasional drinker so why!!!!
I know why, in the past 11 months, I have consumed a massive quantity of codydramol... 2 tablets and at least 2 doses per day in 330days or so = 1320 tablets... At least.
That is a shit load of codeine and paracetamol... Is it any wonder my liver is affected!