Roses, lollipops and smiles

The weather has been beautiful here in the UK, yet despite spring and its natural light, it's been a difficult day.
No real reason, just hard to cope with and sorrowful.
I guess acceptance of my limitations is still a little way away.

Today has been a day of heartbreaking blackness, despite the light.
It's a stormy cloud that consumes me and is not made easier by external noxious stimuli... If I could reach a high pitch... I would scream but I can't, so I won't and I don't. But inside, I am screaming an ear piercing scream, a scream of  dare I say it, depression?

Hard to admit sometimes that I am at a low level... A reactive downer due to all that has happened in the last year. How my life is so, so different to what it was a short 12 months ago.

The physical pain, ailments and poor mobility, the despair, the plethora of medication, all the appointments (I want to cancel them all... It's a circus!!).

Why do I need to tell my story to so many people? Can't they read my notes, don't they write and talk to each other? I get so angry.... 😡

Not a good day, sorry... But it has to be said, it's not all roses, lollipops and smiles 😞