Roses, lollipops and smiles

The weather has been beautiful here in the UK, yet despite spring and its natural light, it's been a difficult day.
No real reason, just hard to cope with and sorrowful.
I guess acceptance of my limitations is still a little way away.

Today has been a day of heartbreaking blackness, despite the light.
It's a stormy cloud that consumes me and is not made easier by external noxious stimuli... If I could reach a high pitch... I would scream but I can't, so I won't and I don't. But inside, I am screaming an ear piercing scream, a scream of  dare I say it, depression?

Hard to admit sometimes that I am at a low level... A reactive downer due to all that has happened in the last year. How my life is so, so different to what it was a short 12 months ago.

The physical pain, ailments and poor mobility, the despair, the plethora of medication, all the appointments (I want to cancel them all... It's a circus!!).

Why do I need to tell my story to so many people? Can't they read my notes, don't they write and talk to each other? I get so angry.... 😡

Not a good day, sorry... But it has to be said, it's not all roses, lollipops and smiles 😞

Encephalitis and me...

Apologies for not posting much over the last 6 months.
The reason being, a stay in intensive care, unconsciousness, in an induced comma, waking up confused, dazed and scared, festooned with tubes everywhere and no recollection as to why.
Its been a  sereal journey. The time since has been hard.

One day I am Ram, the next moment, a shell of who I was... Gloomy yes but that's what it felt like.
From being free and able bodied to being dependent on many people, predominantly my wife Julie.
One day, I had influenza, next I'm waking up two weeks later in intensive care????
I'm slowly getting back to myself but there is still a way to go...

Life's been very busy with recovery and physio, memory issues and lots of tests, investigations and  reviews by all sorts of specialists. Then there has been all the exercise, 'strengthening my core' due to the vertebral fractures I have...

No idea when or how I got these but, they are there.

I don't think there's any orifice that's not been scoped or organ that has been radiologically checked out by xray or scan.... The barrage of blood tests I've had is also remarkable that I've not needed a unit or two of blood to replace the 'arm fulls' of claret extracted from my thrombosed veins!!

I've become a patient and it is truly eye opening to be in this position.
I'm in the process of chronicling it and maybe making an attempt at writing a true story about this all. The Encephalitis Society have been very helpful to Julie, my family and myself giving us support and direction. I am indebted to them all, especially Julie who has given me the love and support I have not always returned as well as the strength to carry on. Thank you xxx.
My boys and their wives as well as my sister in law Val and brother in law Tony, as well as my mother and father in law Claire and Henry, who have been there for me. Becks and Mo for their help as well as Ambe, for his help and guidance during the acute phase... My mum, dad, brother and sister who came over when I was ill and all my friends Alan and Helen, Douglas and Irene, Jim, Linda, Jill, Catriona..... The list goes on, Cheers!!
To all my fellow Dr's and nurses who got me over this rather unplanned and dark hump, I thank you all.

I know this may read like an acceptance speech at an award ceremony but in a way it is. It is in deed an award of thanks from me to you all.

As a family, all the help, encouragement and direction we have received from everyone has been humbling and fantastic. The hard work from community services, Louise and Magda as well as the GP services, Nuffield House and Debbs has been amazing to Julie and I. The NHS is a great institution and I have given so much for so many years to it but it has paid me back when I needed it. Thank you 😌 (I'm not very good at choosing the appropriate EMOGI).
Anyway, having this perspective of healthcare professional to patient may be worthwhile to undertake, especially for me!
I'm in a space I hope no one gets to experience... I appreciate the alternative is RIP but this is not a bed of roses either.
Despair, pain and anger need to be managed and I am not always good at it.
Society imposes on us to be strong as men and as professionals... This is not always easy but hayho, life goes on.

It's not been all bad: I got to see the world cup 2018 on TV even though the team I was backing came third... Though most important of all, I got to meet our fourth grandchild, the beautiful little lady Eliza, who joins Heath, Cass and Daisy as the new leaves in our ever expanding family tree.

I have been writing a little, reading even less but painting and drawing a lot... One of my friends helped me conjure up the word 'Encephalartist'... I don't think it's been used before and I'm going to take the bizzare honour of claiming it... 😁

In the meantime, I leave you with some of my art... And a promise to get some more posts in sooner than they have appeared lately.
In the meantime, enjoy the rest of the summer, reading and creating life.... I hope you consider reading one of the books available on Amazon
If you do, please leave a review and make sure you tell others that these books exist and are in the public domain to be read and enjoyed by everyone.

Peace and love 😘

Dentistry nightmares

I have a scheduled appointment for the Dentists in 2 hours. 
Dreading it,  especially as I have depicted in my book.   Mental Dental (Murder by Proxy)
Fingers and everything crossed folks...  Will let you know how I get on,  Gulp!!!

Phobic

Mental Dental Kindle Deal

Mental Dental (Murder by Proxy)
#THRILLER eBook 5 stars available in Kindle Countdown Deal on Amazon.co.uk for under a pound.
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Why I wrote Phobic Wars

Cockroaches
Why do cockroaches disgust me so much as to write a book about them?
Click on the link attached and see for yourself....
Wouldn't that put you off?
I could hardly watch it because of shivers down my spine....

Another really good review

4 stars review
This new review of Mental Dental (MBP)

Ever wondered if there's anything worse than a dental abscess?
By Peter - 5 Sep 2014
Amazon Verified Purchase

Intriguing from the start this short story unfolds in front of your eyes like a news headline story right through to the (unexpected?) end. A great read from a fledgling author who will one day become well recognised. Look forward to more from Ram

Thanks Peter

Dentistry gone mad

Imagine going to the dentist, things are going well but then,  the unexpected happens and things go horribly wrong.

No,  it's not just a tooth being drilled too deeply or the anaesthetic not working.
People die in terrible ways..
Innocent patients who had entrusted their lives on dental professionals now are finding they have bitten more than they can chew...

Help Jessie Stack uncover the truth and provide her innocence.

It's a work of fiction,  or is it a warning of things to come....?

Open wide if you dare!!

MD(MBP)

Knees up... Soccered out

Too many years of playing soccer have had their toll on my knees.

After 4 previous arthroscopic trims and tidy ups,  2 to each knee,  I will be undergoing my 5th one tomorrow.

Am I nervous,  you betcha.
The prospects of loss of mobility and independence coupled with pain and swelling do make me anxious but god willing,  the pain will be worth it in the medium to long term.

I have now well and truly hung my boots up.
No more of this to go through again...

Like and addict, I have to share its now nearly 3 1/2 years since my last football match.  

I am now off the 90 minutes of pleasure and acting my age. 

Fingers crossed,  I will keep you posted on the blog... 

Like the mmain character in my book,  Legally Luck ,  I have suffered the injuries to my knees,  ruptured ligaments that now trouble me so much. 

Read the book on the ffollowing link 

Legally Lucky Link

Till then.... Be  lucky 

Ciao 

Ram